Saturday, April 18, 2015

hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take what comes

Dealt with so much nerves the past one and a half weeks omg. Started with ballet exam last wed then pw results yesterday and syf today!!!

I rly wanted to do well for ballet exam cause its my last one :(( doing the exam solo v scary i hope remained calm enough. syf alsooo omg esp the moment right before we go on stage!! At the end of both of them i felt super empty. All the months of preparation (juggling 6 dance pracs every week was damn crazy) and WHOOSH the few minutes in the exam studio and dance stage passed by and my body was on autopilot and then everything was over.

I realise this is the main source of all my nervousness and sleepless nights. Like i worry about not showcasing my best side, wasting all the time and effort and being unsure of the outcome.

PW ALSO. the night before getting back results i was just lying in bed thinking of all the possible scenarios, and then being upset with myself because i was supposed to sleep and not waste time worrying about things that i can't change. 

Both my ballet exam and syf were not the best runs i have done, but i have come to an enlightenment. In the end, whats even more important than the results is the process. Im damn thankful to have had the experience, and just having dance as a revenue to to escape from life makes me feel complete. Im also quite proud of myself for having survived the past days on the little sleep and alot of nerves. Ohohoh and for PW, the journey last year was filled with so many lows, but i guess the unexpected highs kinda made up for it. I think i can finally find closure, but the unconventional experience my group went through is quite deeply etched in my mind.

im super excited to go to bed tonight. tomorrow is my first completely free day in damn long and it will be the first day in weeks that i dont have to set a morning alarm. gonna use it to be a good daughter and also to rejuvenate lol time to up my studies game NO MORE EXCUSES.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Everyday i can literally feel myself sinking deeper. And i think recently i have been a damn shitty person who is selfish and mean and negative IM SORRY FRIENDS :(

Friday, April 3, 2015

Its as if we broke up without even getting together

Thank you for being my best friend for those few months. But i can't help but wonder if I would be better off now if we had never met.